Whole Hole

Hi Mireya,

I was browsing and came across the above piece and was very taken by it, so much that I ended up reading all of your works of art. And works of art they are.You write so beautifully of such sadness,loss and seemingly endless pain. I know quite a bit about this pain; I immersed myself in its stagnant murky waters for many years. In some twisted way I felt that because I felt invisible I was not vulnerable or open to pain. As you so rightly say in one of your pieces you survived or existed as opposed to lived. This is exactly how I felt during those times.In those darkened waters I swam in ever decreasing circles until finally when faced with the prospect of facing that which I  feared most I was forced to surface.What a horrendous place to be; alone with my own thoughts, the flotsam and jetsam from the ship of my past. Alive in the physical sense but filled with a broken spirit and empty soul. This time there would be no ducking and diving ,all channels were closed and the lifeboat had gone down with the ship. I  had to shed the scales one by one and look with total honesty at myself in order to assess my position on lifes ocean. My greatest shock came when I realised how great  my coping mechanisms and my escapisms contributed to my life so lost. And yet in my fear of being exposed for what I was Idid not want to be rescued. I can remember thinking , If I'm ever discovered I'm lost. But strangely enough this was the true beginning of life for me. Armed with my new found knowledge of myself and an insatible desire for a deeper  discovery of self  I set my sails to the wind and am thrilled to feel the wind in my face as I take what I now consider to be my rightful place on lifes ocean. Its not all plain sailing, the seas can be rough and the winds unhelpful but as long as I aam honest with the one at the helm all will be well. Having said this I am acutley aware that all that floatsam and jetsam is still out there waiting to take a ride from me if I am foolish enough to allow it into my little ark. 

Tony

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