Surrendering Survival

I know that the only option left in a last attempt to survive the progressive devastation caused by this constant circular battle is to give up all fighting. Surrender to the evidence that we prove so reluctant to confront. The choice might render hopeless and end up mirroring the previous fruitless pursuits of hope in which we embarked. We have sunk so many times now, and for so long, that I am losing all capability of swimming. Over and over again I get drowned by the foam of the waves I remember we once surfed together. Dragging our feet through days, weeks and now many months, is only opening more hurtful wounds. And I wish I had the answers to all of the questions hammering our heads. But not having where to point my blaming finger at, makes the  path rougher. If only changing the linen eliminated your lingered essence from the sheets...