All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives lies a mystery. Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.
Order of the dragon question of time
DescriptionBack at Dylan Drive the sun was rising and the members of The Gnome Intelligence, Information, Retrieval, Research, Reconnaissance, Security, Protection, Surveillance, Spying and Being Sneaky Unit or G.I.U. for short were returning for duty.
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Back at Dylan Drive the sun was rising and the members of The Gnome Intelligence, Information, Retrieval, Research, Reconnaissance, Security, Protection, Surveillance, Spying and Being Sneaky Unit or G.I.U. for short were returning for duty. At six o'clock on this particular morning, a chorus of cheerful singing could be heard coming from the rear of number ten. The black dog, that lay at the front door of the house leaped to attention and ran to the gate leading to the rear, ears up and sniffing. He soon found the source of the singing.
"I'll sit fishin'
And I'll sit drinkin'
I'll sit wita scowl
And pretend to be fowl
Why?
Cause we're gnomes
Why?
Cause we're Garden Gnomes
Hooray for whom?
For Garden Gnomes
That's who, Garden Gnomes
The black dog sat watching, his red eyes smouldering like burning coals in a blacksmiths forge. At the end of the garden sat three gnomes, laughing and singing, that was till they saw the black dog staring down at them.
"Eh up Nugent." The tallest of the three stood up. Tall for a gnome is not very tall, say a bit taller than a cat. On his head sat a red pointed hat with a small golden bell on top. "Did we wake ya big fella? It's only gone half past five my dear fellow or have you come to sing with us?" His pearly white teeth shone in the morning sun as he smiled at the dog known as Nugent. He had pulled out a small time piece from the pocket of his purple waistcoat so he was sure it wasn't any later in the morning. Nugent continued to stare at the gnome, drool hanging down from his mouth.
"Hello! Anyone at home or are you just going to stand there looking at me like I'm breakfast or are you going to say something, eh?" The gnome turned to his companions shrugging his shoulders as he did so; Nugent wagged his tail and walked away towards his mat. "Strange individual at times isn't he?" The gnome picked up a tankard and drank heartily from it.
"That he is but most nights he'd talk the legs off old farmer Brennan's mule." A gnome leaned forward to take up a tankard of ale, his banjo sitting on his lap that he had been playing before they saw Nugent. He too was wearing a pointed hat; it was green in colour and matched his trousers. Now it is common knowledge for anyone who is familiar with the goings on of city garden gnomes and more so with their dress sense, that they love to wear bright colours. These colors can be, at the very best of times hideous to big people and would never been worn in public. But for gnomes the brighter the better, colours like luminous green, or sunburst orange are among their favourites. Not to mention blinding daffodil yellow, but this is only worn on special occasions, such as the Gnome New Year or Liberation Day. The latter being the day they were freed from Goblin oppression in 1536, a most special day in the gnome year.
"Guess he was having a pleasant dream or something like that."
He had emptied the tankard and began to fill it again. "What time are we on watch at, Sebastian?" The third picked his head up off the ground and opened one eye.
"Seven or so, why? You got plans for today!" He chuckled as his head disappeared behind his belly. A great lump of a gnome lay on the grass beside an empty tankard of ale; his waistcoat was a bright nauseous blue and didn't go at all with his trouser, which was a pale pink with yellow daisies on it.
"Seven or so yea around then no sooner no later not that I'd be late or anything like that." Rambling Sebastian was a gnome who constantly muttered under his breath even when the big folk were nearby. "Think he'd know; he got the roster like everyone else; think he'd read instead of eating it." Sebastian looked up wondering where the tankard was.
"What ya do with it Mickey, the tankard before you ask?" Sebastian looked around for his tankard in the hope it had been refilled for him. "Ah here lads could you not fill it for me, the things a gnome has to do to get some ale. Wasn't bad enough that ye took all of my money last night playing cards and then ye let the Leprechauns take it from ye!" Sebastian knew that Mickey wouldn't be pleased about this but it was a good way to get back at him for not filling his tankard
"Now you know as well as I do Sebastian that those Leprechauns are tricky little blighters at the very best of times, I don't need to remind you of the 1896 incident between them and the Fairies." Mickey smirked at his companions. "Now it was a clever trick to play on them but messing with Fairies isn't a good idea." The bell on Mickey's hat tinkled as he laughed.
"Aye it was a good one but who reckoned Fairies were that stupid. At least the Leprechauns should have sold Lichburg Castle to one of them big folk then they would have gotten away with it. It was a good thing that the Keeper of Secrets was on hand to get the gold back." The tallest gnome raised himself off the ground and stretched. "Yep, old Sven here remembers that. Nearly led to war that one did but good old Bill Brickton, Keeper of Secrets was there to keep the peace." Sven sat back down on the grass and took a drink from his tankard. "What time is it now?" He took his watch from his pocket and looked at it. "Where has that Sorden got to?" Sven looked around. "Its breakfast time and he's not here yet. What is that young gnome doing?" At that moment a small gnome came crashing over the garden fence. "Where have you been Sorden?" Sven wasn't at all happy and waited for Sorden to answer. Sorden was a young gnome dressed in blushing red from his socks to his hat, even his bell was a glowing red. "Well I was with Melinda." He brushed himself down and picked some leaves from his beard. "She's the one who lives four gardens up from 'ere but her dad saw me and well from the last glimpse I saw of him, he wasn't too happy looking." Sorden pulled on a white apron and took off his red hat replacing it with a tall white one. "How many for breakfast?" He looked to Sven for an answer. He wasn't going to say anymore about what had really happened with Melinda as Sven looked mad enough and might not see the funny side of it.
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