Magical Compass.

“Happy birthday son” He said handing me the small tightly wrapped gift. I remember feeling so excited I thought I was gunna vomit or pass out, and I could see dad was just as wound up too, his big hands shook and his grey eyes were as wide as saucers. I think it took me forever to rip the blue shiny paper off? Dad had done the usual and wrapped a half role of tape round it.

          Agh man the feelings that ran through me when I opened that small mahogany box, I’ve never felt it since. My whole body shivered and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention like fibre soldiers under a static balloon. Dad could see I was a little confused at what it actually was. “Do you know what it is son?” he asked. “Em is it a watch?” I quizzed back. Dad reached over and took the box from me “kinda, but it’s more magical than a watch” he explained. “It’s called a compass and every sea man has one” “even captain cook” I shouted above him with amazement. “Yep even captain cook” he smiled, and then hopped across the room on one leg.

That’s when the sadness crept in remembering that dad going was going off to sea again for weeks on end, I was only six and it felt as though my dad spent more time in his trawler than at home, in fact he probably did. I always hated waving goodbye to him at the dock, with mum gripping my hand so tight it got pins and needles. I think she thought I might try and run and jump onto the boat as it pulled away from the harbour.  Maybe I would have if she didn’t hold me? “Do ya see this red needle here boy?” my thoughts of saying goodbye to him again were temporarily removed as he began to explain how my new gadget worked.

I watched in awe as unpronounced to me he bent the truth a little to turn a simple compass into a magical navigator. “well wherever that there needle is pointing, that’s where you will find me” he explained as he then reached into his pocket to pull out an identical compass to mine “and where ever this here one points too is where I will find where you are?” It’s not until now many, many years on; that I realise how much thought and planning actually went into that day, he had positioned myself and himself in the perfect place so that the compasses would point to where we were both standing. Of course I fell for it hook line and sinker I was only six after all.

Dad went off to sea the next day, I held my compass tight and watched the needle pointing to the boat as he and his crew waved from the deck. Mum and I stood there until the bout had disappeared into the horizon, I cried like a baby and she held me tighter than anyone has ever held me.

          Forty years ago that was, Christ how time flies! The harbour looks exactly the same as it did then, only a little smaller. Doesn’t feel the same though? It was much busier back then; the smell of diesel and the rev of engines, or the sound of ropes slapping masts in the wind filled the air, and men roaring at each other over the haunting echo of ships horns announcing their departure or arrival. Even the ocean seems to be calmer or at least a lot less aggressive than it was.

          Dad never returned from that trip, nor did any of his crew     they said the boat was probably capsized by a freak wave or was sunk by floating debris of some kind. Not a trace was ever found not so much as a net or buoy! When I

was ten I jumped into a wooden dingy and set off to find them, I didn’t get far though I wasn’t strong enough to pull the heavy wooden oars and I just kept going round in circles until my uncle persuaded me to come back to shore.

          It took an awful long time for me to come to terms with dad never coming back and mum never did, I reckon she died of a broken heart, she loved dad so much she often stood where I’m standing now crying into the ocean. I could never stand to watch her she would be there hours sometimes.

          If I’m honest, even now as I look out to see and occasionally look down at the small red needle in my hand I wonder that if I climbed into a boat and set off would I find my father on a deserted island somewhere, with his crew living the life of riley and maybe, just maybe he too is looking at his red needle pointing back at me?