I GIVE YOU MY HEART

     I GIVE YOU MY HEART

      Sean and Rose met in an online chat room.  He proposed after their second in-person date, and she said yes. They honeymooned in Bali, and it was the most romantic setting either one had ever seen. One evening they watched the sunset at Tanah Lot Temple, and after dark had fallen, watching the “Monkey Dance” with seventy men dancing in a semi-circle around a bonfire. The only music to accompany the dancers was the beats of their palms hitting their chests and other parts of their body, accompanied by chants and shouts.  Sean showed an overwhelming curiosity at the hypnotic performance, as if he was under a spell.

     At thirty-seven, he had a successful career in the hotel industry, the Housekeeper of a four star hotel, but he was inexperienced when it came to pleasing a woman. He had never even dated before he met Rose. He loved her so much and wanted everything to be perfect for her.

     Sean sat on his bed, his eyes closed, and his lips were moving silently. Rose smiled, knowing he was deep in prayer again. He believed the ritual; these voices of love as he called it, would deepen their emotional connection in their art of physical intimacy. 

    “Om-Am-Hum,” he commenced. He lit incense sticks in the corner of the room.

     +++

         She lay with her legs spread and ready for him. At forty, she was not bad looking. Marie confessed her first sexual experience was at twelve. She wore his favorite lingerie, a skimpy black half-bra that displayed her breasts and matching lace garters black stockings. No man treated her like he did. He was always polite, always a gentleman. She was surprisingly swept away with passion under his rhythmic, sensual kisses as he pleasured her slowly.

     On other occasions, Sean became unrecognizable and frenzied.  He would push her onto the bed and tore at her undergarments, greedily fondling her breasts like a starved animal that she was too afraid to look at. Holding her breath while Sean shook his head and call her a moral idiot.  Then he would moan, kissing her lips with uncontrollable madness, almost biting her.

      He whispered, “It’s alright Rosie.”  Then his voice softened and turned apologetic. His face relaxed.  Marie did not mind the name-calling.  She did not care as long as he was happy.

      “Thank you,” he whispered. Marie had converted him to be a good lover to Rosie.

      “For what?” she asked with a harsh laugh, lighting a cigarette.  She sucked hard and blew out a long column of white smoke.

     “For… for being good teacher.”  

+++

      Two months later Sean met up with his friend, Eoin at the pub. Eoin ordered a beer and cheerily greeted his mate.

“What’s up Sean?”

     Sean didn’t answer right away, standing absolutely still next to the bar.  He sipped his Guinness and stared stubbornly at the glass. There was a long silence.

      Eoin got the impression Sean had not been sleeping well. “Don’t tell me you got the sack!”  He laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

    Sean finally looked at him and said, “I did it for Rose…” His voice low, forcing the words past the lump in his throat.  Then he gripped Eoin’s arm. “I had to protect Rose, I love her very much. I must admit, I have broadened my experience and Rose was very happy lately.” He gave a sad laugh and rubbed his unshaven chin while shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

     Eoin didn’t say anything.  He wasn’t even sure what Sean meant.

     Then Sean’s voice dropped.  “I had no choice.”  Shaking his head, he described the event that took place two days ago, swearing over and over that it was not meant to happen.  “There was no other way. I don’t want to risk Rose for anything. And, she…  I refuse to give in to that woman’s blackmail. That gobshite slapper, but… it’s too bad,” he lamented.

    Eoin watched with stunned eyes until he finished his story. He stiffened in disbelief,  “Oh Fuck Sean.  This is dreadful.  Jeez, Sean,” He said, putting his hands to his face.

     Then, for a long time, Eoin didn’t speak, just drumming his fingers against the beer glass. Then he looked Sean hard in the eye, “God, Sean, you have to do the right thing.” He reached for a cigarette and put it to his trembling lips.  “You have to,” he said, shakily trying to strike a match.

+++

     On the morning the police took him away, Sean’s face was dirty and tired, with dark circles under his eyes. In silent fascination he gazed at Rose.

    She asked, “Why Sean?” Her face was pale and her eyes were swollen from crying. She held her gaze with the man who had deceived her.

     Sean wished he could tell her the reason but that would make him half a man. His pride would never allow him to reveal it, and he was determined to carry his secret intact; a fantasy he invented in the silence of his other world. He regretted that he had to leave her with a broken heart. His lips moved silently, ignoring the hard stares from neighbors. Many had gathered at the front gate, whispering to each other.

      He looked at her eyes, which looked so wounded. “Rose…” he said softly. He was fighting to hold back tears. I can’t cry, he thought, I won’t cry.

     I am sorry Rose. I want to crush you in my arms once more and show you how much I really love you. I want you to know that I did it for you, my love.

    But he saw her face had clenched into a look of distrust and disgust as Eoin took Rose’s arm and led her firmly into the house, denying Sean this last gesture.

     Eoin caught up with Sean as he got into the police car. He whispered, “For God’s sake… she too deserves a proper burial.”

     Sean stared straight ahead, silent.  

    Word count 1004

7/12/11