The Girl by the River

DescriptionHer parents ought to tell her not to walk there...

Added: 1 year 49 weeks ago  |  Last edited: 1 year 49 weeks ago

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The Girl by the River

The girl walked that way every morning. She had a small black and brown dog, the kind he had taken pleasure in submerging in a barrel of water and watching it squirm when he was a boy, a scruffy oversized rat.
The dog led the girl along the grassy track by the river. They walked down the bank and disappeared beneath the bridge. He wondered that her parents had not advised her against walking in such lonely places.
Once, he'd followed her. She'd been gone some time. He knew because he had checked his watch just after she'd vanished beneath the bridge, and he had sat on the bench to read his morning paper. As time passed, he'd become concerned, so he'd folded his paper under his arm and followed the path that the girl had taken. There was a scum on the surface of the water. Sweet paper and beer cans had collected in the reeds at the edge of the river, evidence of the drinkers that congregated there in the evenings. Her parents really ought to tell her not to go there.
A few minutes later, she came into sight. Even at a distance he recognised her. Her brown ponytail bounced as she walked. The orange fleece that she wore was a vibrant splotch on the landscape. She was walking briskly towards him. He slowed his step. He didn't want to come upon her too soon. He didn't want to startle her. He tried to adjust his features into a suitable expression as she drew nearer. He could see the dog now. She'd taken it off the lead and every now and then it stopped to sniff at the tress on the bank.
'Come on, Max.'
She didn't slow her step and the dog, after sniffing some more, broke into a trot to catch up with his owner.
He hadn't been this close to her before. He noticed that her skin was stained with acne. He could smell the damp, musty smell of the dog whose coat was wet from the river. They were just feet away now. He looked directly at the girl, a hint of a smile on his lips - but not too much, that would be inappropriate. She kept her head down, attention focused on her navy runners. The dog ran slightly ahead of her. They passed him as though he were invisible. The half-smile vanished from his lips.
He kept walking as the girl's steps once again widened the distance between them. He checked his watch, and then increased his pace. He wanted to know how far along the river the girl usually walked. Did she walk to the end of the man-made trail where the grass had grown wild and the fields had been forgotten? It wasn't a safe place for a girl. She would learn that in time.

Comments

I thought you caught just the right amount of tension in this piece and yet you hardly used any 'sinister' language.
Well done. Wanted to know what happened next - that has to be a good thing.
G

Thanks G! It was a writing excercise that I was set at a workshop. We were told to write a scene with a "baddie" in it. When I looked over it, I thought hmmm, perhaps this could work as a piece of flash fiction. I look forward to reading your work soon. smile

Greetings Tanya!

Am loving Flash fiction at the moment and so I really liked this. It is intriguing and makes you want to read on and it finishes at just the right point. I is effectively a mini-thriller and I liked that it had a plotted feel to it despite the short length.

Tanya:

Great tension -- and I fear for the girl and Max, her dog.
Loved 'A vibrant splotch on the landscape'.

A brilliant read.

Kate

Tanya, this was a thrilling read. I had suspected the ending before it happened but still experienced a shiver because of your skillful use of words.
Aine
x

Hi again Tanya,

Once again, such dark imagery, and quite disturbing even though you don't venture to describe what horrific deeds we all suspect are about to happen. You have a way with words that is quite incredible. If you haven't already done so, I urge you to write a novel or ten, and submit them. With work of this calibre, I have no doubt that you will be picked up and published.

And you better believe I will buy your books thumbsup

Well done again

Andrew

Hi Andrew!
I am extremely impressed that you've taken the time to read so much of my work, and I greatly appreciate your comments. I'm working on my first novel at the moment - and yes, it's dark! I hope to finish the first draft in about 3 months time. No title as yet - it's usually the last thing I work on. Again, thank you. Your comments were have been inspiring. smile

Believe me Tanya, the pleasure was mine in reading your works! You are a very gifted and talented writer and I look forward to reading your novel once published thumbsup

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